CBP’s Top Medical Officer Tries to Order Fentanyl Lollipops — His Reason Is Even More Preposterous

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Twitter/Port Director Michael W. Humphries

In this episode of You Can’t Make It Up…

According to a whistleblower report sent to Congress on Friday, the chief medical officer for Customs and Border Protection (CBP) pressured his staff to order fentanyl lollipops for him to take to the United Nations General Assembly meeting in New York in September.

When the top doc was caught, his excuse was even more idiotic than his desperate effort to get his hands on the deadly drug — disguised as lollipops, no less.

Dr. Alexander Eastman’s staff raised questions about why he would need to fentanyl lollipops to take to the UN, which he claimed was … wait for it… “part of his duties to make sure that any injured CBP operators were cared for, making the argument that the lollipops would be necessary for pain management should an emergency occur.”

Did I mention that Eastman was already under investigation trying to procure narcotics?

The whistleblowers said in their report to Congress:

Not to come across as cynical, but that’s one of the biggest crocks of crap I’ve seen as an excuse to procure deadly narcotics — particularly by an individual of Eastman’s standing, not to mention that CBP is the chief federal agency responsible for detecting and stopping the illegal flow of fentanyl and other deadly drugs into the country.

Here’s more:

The last line is both humorous and alarming. In other words, the only reason Eastman was unable to get his hands on Fentanyl lollipops was due to the lack of availability of a handy vendor.

A CBP spokesperson said in a statement:

Seriously? (Double entendre intended.)

According to Eastman’s LinkedIn page, he remains the Customs and Border Protection Chief Medical Officer. Again, you can’t make it up.

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